I nearly drowned in a kiddie pool at the age of 22. I am a card carrying socialistic neo-conservative. I was once punched in the face by a clown. I enjoy skydiving in Manhattan. I can woo women by playing Bach on the nose flute. I enjoy painting walls plaid. I can read and dictate esperanto. I am the subject of thirteen short films. I design velvet flatware. When I get bored I read Peruvian transcripts of Days of Our Lives. I am a master at full-contact dish washing. But I am never ever sarcastic.
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